It’s been a while. We’ve had so much going on at Noya and in life that my writing has been nonexistent. In May we hosted our first-ever EmpowHer Movement at the Dallas Farmers Market. Then in June we moved spaces. Now, as the dust settles a bit, I’m finally putting pen to paper.
I feel like I’ve written a lot about change before. That’s because it’s almost a constant in my life. Or at least I try to keep it a constant in my life. Sometimes change comes when I don’t expect it or don’t want it to. But one way or another, it always weaves its way in.
In my personal life, I’ve made a big change. I moved from Dallas, a city I grew to love over nearly five years of living there. But I’m a mountain girl at heart. If you’ve ever been to Dallas, you know it takes a few hours of travel before any mountains present themselves. So answering an internal call I’d been feeling for years, I moved back to Colorado to immerse myself in the simple complexities of nature. Although I sought this change, it’s not without its challenges.
Some might call it a restless soul, but for me changing is living. It is how we shape ourselves. If I thought I had it all figured out, or that I was about as perfect as a human being as I could be, perhaps I’d feel differently about change. But I’m far from either of those standards. One day I’ll feel like I’m on the right track in certain areas of my life, and the next I’ll wonder why on earth I ever felt that way. My point being, I’m a work in progress. If there’s one thing I consistently feel confident about - it’s that I will always be a work in progress.
To me it seems you don’t really “figure things out” in life. How could you? Whether or not you’re proactively trying to switch things up, life has a way of changing on its own. And even when life feels like it’s hit some sort of norm, the normalness in itself can be a new challenge. These experiences may present themselves through age, tragedy, or luck, and are always lurking around the corner just when you’ve started to relax into a confident position. It’s what keeps life both interesting and difficult. Instead of worrying about that, I try to look at change as a positive.
At the very least, intentional change is good to prepare you for the inevitable unforeseen changes and challenges life likes to pitch along the way. Just like any task, practice makes it easier.
When change just happens you have to take it in stride. You don’t have the choice of whether or not you want it to occur. On the other hand, intentionally initiating change tends to involve a lot of extra effort and anxiety around analyzing whether or not the change is “good”. I’ve made changes in my life that ultimately weren’t right for me, but they led to something else which led to another thing and I’ve always popped out on the other side slightly reshaped, but intact and stronger. So as I find myself in yet another intentional change, I’m doing my best to focus on the joys of change. There is so much opportunity in the air, but it’s easy to snuff out if I focus on the wrong things.
At its best, change is good for self-improvement. I think this concept is thrilling (and slightly exhausting) and it’s probably why I keep seeking change. Isn’t it cool to think that we have the ability to create ourselves however we like? Isn’t it even more exciting that creating oneself also has a lot to do with events and relationships we don’t even know are going to occur? It’s like the ultimate scavenger hunt. You start with a set of tools and you must build something while simultaneously getting materials and items from your toolset taken away and replaced. Whatever you have in that moment is what you get to work with. If you want to work with something else, you have to find a way to obtain what you need. No matter what you initially set out to build, it will inevitably be different in the end because of all the unknown variables - and you have to be okay with that. Maybe it’s the entrepreneur in me, but that sounds like one hell of a project.
As I cross a new starting line, I’m taking this opportunity to collect my most precious pieces of my past, find ways to keep those in my life, and let the other spaces be filled with new norms, projects, and relationships yet to be discovered. I don’t want to miss anything because I’m too wrapped up in anxiety. Living is changing. Changing is living. Trusting that truth is about as close to “figuring it out” as we’re going to get. Whatever life is presenting right now, it is part of the process. You are creating yourself.
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