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Embracing Change: Some Raw Notes

Embracing Change: Some Raw Notes

Tomorrow I move from the only home I’ve lived in since moving to a new city three and a half years ago. It is the house where I started Noya which also has a big day tomorrow. Noya turns one year old tomorrow. Tomorrow is only tomorrow, but it feels a world away. It feels uncomfortable, like a stranger that I’m going to have to talk to whether we find commonalities or not. It feels surreal and its impending reality feels heavy, like a weight I may not be able to bear.

I have been in situations over the past several years where I’ve stepped into change. I’ve had new roles and responsibilities, but it’s never felt this big to me. Those were smooth shifts as I took on something new and figured it out as I went. I was presented with an option and I chose to move. Today feels different. It feels scarier. This time there are no options. Time itself is moving the needle forward. I can’t stop it.

It reminds me of my first year at college. That was a tough change. When I went home over winter break I seriously contemplated transferring to a school down the road from my hometown. I was overwhelmed and vulnerable and felt utterly unprepared for life away from my family and friends. After a teary-eyed conversation with my mother, she convinced me to try one more semester and reevaluate in the spring.

I went back to school in January and after that, I never blinked an eye at my decision to move away for college. I freaking loved college! Those years in Austin were some of the best of my life. I’m so glad I didn’t crawl back into my hole of comfort. My life would be so different.

When I made the decision to push through the uncomfortable parts of change, I learned a lot about myself. My views, my passions, even the way I treated others drastically changed. Throughout college I was fortunate to experience change over and over again. I learned what it meant to have an open mind. I learned what it meant to live in a bubble and how even with an open mind it is sometimes hard to see past that bubble. I learned that different backgrounds and different upbringings are beautiful sources of a deeper understanding of life. And I learned to embrace change because every time I allowed myself to experience change, something good came from it. Even when I thought a change could bring no positive repercussions, with time it always did.

So here I sit, at the intersection of old and new and I am again resistant. I love the life I have right now and change seems unnecessary. But I have a sneaking suspicion that when change begins to feel unnecessary that’s the exact time when it’s abundantly necessary. Because change is revealing. It removes all the walls we hide behind and strips away the safety blankets we create in other people, objects, and places. We are vulnerable in times of change and our true selves shine through. Our weaknesses are exposed—which is good. After all, how do we strengthen areas if we do not know how weak they’ve become? Our strengths also shine through in times of change and help us move through the tumultuous transition period. This awareness alone is worth the sting of discomfort.

Right now I feel sad and anxious. I don’t know what a new home will be like and I have no idea what challenges a second year of business will bring, but I’m excited to learn from what’s in store. I’m excited for the opportunities that this shift will create and to find growth along the way.

When it comes down to it, living without change eventually ceases to be living at all. Living is like being in an ocean. Sometimes you swim forward with purpose and strength. Sometimes the current will be so strong that you’ll struggle and be pushed back. Sometimes it will be all you can do to tread water. And sometimes you’ll float on the surface with comfort and ease. But to remain rigid and stagnant is certain death. To remain in one place is the opposite of living.

While many agree that change is good, I believe that change is life. Though it is scary and I feel resistant, I’m grateful that time has given me a push toward the unknown. It’s not every day that I have the opportunity to change. It’s not easy now, but it will be good later.

When life pushes you out of your comfort zone, find your calm, open your mind and eyes wide, and find opportunities for growth. But don’t you dare resist.

 

2 comments

May 16, 2017 • Posted by Christine

Thanks, Mariana! I know you are no stranger to change. I hope your current (really big) change is going well!

Apr 28, 2017 • Posted by Mariana

I very much believe in this one. I’d say I am a little addicted to change because of how my life has been playing out for the past 17 years, but I always freak out and struggle midway through the change. I regret it and start to second guess myself (like your first winter break). But then I give it another try and things start to ease out and feel more comfortable =)
Great post!

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